Let me tell you a story.
About a month back, a girl and a guy met while studying for the examinations. Though it wasnt the first time they met, but it was almost the first time they chat. Throughout the entire week, they saw each other everyday and spent about 10 hours together, sometimes with the company of other friends.
Initially, both of them had a knot in the heart untied. On a not so starry night, they sat by the beach and counted stars, talking about their agonies. Few days later on a much starry night, they sat by the beach at the same bench and counted stars once again, and talked about everything under the moonlight, but nothing much about their agonies.
And the next few days, they had a lot of fun irritating and tickling each other while they study. And slowly, they got to know each other better.
They chatted on the phone till wee hours. Not wanting to sleep though sometimes they ran out of topics to talk about especially when the girl isnt someone good at starting a conversation, lest to say making the conversation grow.
They had their first date a few days after the examinations ended. And then they met up in Zouk, then in town and when they were supposed to meet up again, a nightmare happened.
Throughout the times before the nightmare happened, the girl knew the guy couldnt get over his last relationship just yet. Theres so many things she knew but she just pretended that she was oblivious of it all. She kept everything within her, and kept both eyes closed, because ignorance is bliss, or so she thought.
She knew what he meant by "quite near" when she told him she used to live in Telok Kurau. She knew who he saw at the cafe in Zouk while they were walking towards it and yet he suddenly u-turn and walked out. She knew what was the cause of the nightmare that took place so suddenly. And she's almost 100% sure, that on that fateful day when they were supposed to meet, his handphone didnt die on him, but he chose to switch it off.
But instead, she pretended that she didnt know, neither did she wanna know. Cos the truth always hurt, doesnt it?
So, just out of the blue, they stopped contacting. Or rather, he stopped contacting her because he wanna play missing (ie missing in action, and not thinking of). The girl felt so lost, she didnt know what to do except to indulge in alcohol when she know she cant drink for nuts, just to make herself less sober and conscious of what exactly is going on.
The truth about the girl is, she spent more than 2 years to nurse a hurting past relationship and mend a brokened heart; lacked of confidence and trust in guys and love; couldn't bring herself to forget those pains and let go of the very much hurting past. During that 2 years due to her apprehension, she gave up many potential great guys. Just as when she could let go and start life anew, and slowly had a liking for that guy, she got hurt once again. What an irony.
Now tell me, how is the girl able to face this setback? She was crestfallen.
The girl gave the guy time to think and wanna leave an impression that everything was okay and she was playing it cool. As much as she wanted to message him and talk to him, she didnt. On one hand she was afraid that the guy might find her irritating, on the other, she didnt wanna give the impression that she needed him so badly.
So they stopped contacting. Until one day...
He messaged her again while she was at work, and tearing cheques from the letters. Upon seeing the message and tearing cheques at the same time, she tore a piece. Her heart started thumping, but she told herself not to reply, so she didnt.
Until 2 days later, she couldnt resist the temptation to talk to him anymore, she gave a little reply, which then came a few more messages exchanged. It was like a rollercoaster ride, too many troughs and peaks, and it all fluctuates at a very fast speed.
One day, the guy said he was wondering if they could get back like before. The girl was ecstatic, cos she thought he had made up his mind. But to play it cool and make it sure, she told him to think over it again.
Then, the guy was blowing hot and cold, leaving the girl in bewilderment and disorientation. She wanted and needed to know what exactly does the guy want so at least she would know whats the best next step to take. Sadly speaking, the guy didnt know what he wants either, or maybe, he didnt want to hurt the girl by saying "lets just be normal friends", emphasizing on the word 'normal'.
The girl could feel the pain almost everytime she's alone, everytime she's busy and stressed with work, everytime she heads to east coast, everytime she heads to kallang, everytime she's drinking at the pub. Well its most of the time in fact. All she did, was to just keep it all to herself, suffocating herself with all the doubts and queries, pains and hurts.
I seriously dont know how long she can take it.
She so wanted to have a good talk with him, settling it once and for all. But yet, she's afraid of what the outcome would be. Whenever she wanna talk to him about it, she lost the courage the moment she tried to speak. And she was afraid of pressurising the guy, again.
She wants to know whats the most optimal option to take. She wants to know what to do. She didnt like the feeling of being lost and stranded. She dont even know how to cry anymore.
* yours truly.
amber.ruoxuan\\twenty\
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20051987\\single\\operations analyst @ credit suisse\\friendster*
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